Meteorologists Are Predicting That An Astounding 47 Hurricanes Will Wreak Hellacious Hell On The U.S. Mainland This Year

CROCODILE SHOES, Florida – (Satire News) – In a prediction to end all predictions the U.S. Weather Federation has stated that they are expecting a grand total of 47 hurricanes to make landfall in the continental United States this hurricane season.

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Trillions of Cicadas Have Totally Blanketed Rhode Island

ELEANOR RIGBY – Rhode Island - (Satire News) – After being in hiding for 17 years the dreaded Stipalacocksolosis has emerged from hibernation with a vengeful vengeance. Insect scientists have been warning that the infamous cicadas were going to ar…

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The Santa Ana Winds in California Are So Strong, They’re Picking Up Boulders The Size of Hyundai Elantras

BUENAS NOCHES, California – (Satire News) – Some of the state’s most veteran meteorologists are shaking their heads in disbelief as some of the Santa Ana Winds have been clocked at 103 mph. One long-time jalapeno farmer, Gunther Hoodhilly, 83, who…

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Wyoming’s Wildfires Are Stressing The Hell Out Of The Buffalo Herds

TARANTULA TITS, Wyoming – (Satire News) – The Wyoming Department of Forestry & Animal Issues, is extremely concerned over the states 4 wildfires that are raging out-of-control. The main fire known as The Tongue of Freaking Satan Fire, was repo…

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Death Valley Temperatures Hit a Record-Setting 163 Degrees and The Sand Is Literally On Fire

DEATH VALLEY, California – (Satire News) – Veteran meteorologists are saying that they have never seen nothing like the hellacious heat wave that is blasting Death Valley. Accuweather forecaster Burton “Heat Index” Fitzfarmer, who has been in the…

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"Madness!" Scientists discover to be insane is actually quite a healthy state!

Scientists studying Nutters in a Liverpool Loony bin have discovered scientific information which will shock the world as we know it! It seems the main cause for Scouse "Madness" is having Gerry and The Pacemakers abhorrent song, "You'll Never Wal…

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Donald Trump Is Now Claiming That Space Aliens Are Targeting Him

MAR-a-LAGO, Florida – (Satire News) – The latest claim emanating from the mysteriously misogynistic mind of the former White House occupant states that he is now being singled out and targeted by space aliens because of his wealth, health, and high I…

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Jeff Bezos Sets His Sights on Uranus

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Now that Norway has sent a space ship towards Pluto, and Herzegovina has sent one towards Neptune, quintessential billionaire Jeff Bezos has set his eyes on Uranus. The constellation’s seventh planet from the sun, l…

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The U.S. Government Explains Why They Will No Longer Charge Tax on Condoms

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, has just announced that the government will no longer charge taxes on prophylactics aka condoms, rubbers, raincoats, etc. She noted that President Biden in an effort to get…

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Hurricane Season is Here and The Plywood State of Florida is Already Stocking Up on Plywood, Flashlight Batteries, and Tequila

ALLIGATOR NUTS, Florida – (Satire News) – Well ladies and gentleman, it has rolled in once again, and the scramble will soon begin. Those two dreaded words – Hurricane Season, are now upon us, like Philadelphia Cream Cheese on a bagel. Weathermen…

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The 2021 Cicada Invasion Grounds Air Force One, Cancels Baseball Games, and Shuts Down Fast Food Drive-Thru’s

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The U.S. Department of the Interior has just announced that the 2021 Cicada Invasion is causing all types of major havoc all over the country. According to renowned cicada expert Dr. Elton F. Dunpico, professor a…

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Futurist predicts we’ll soon travel by hovering in place while Earth rotates

Futurist Ray Kurzweil yesterday predicted that anti-gravity technology will be mainstream by 2050, and that we will be using the technology for 99.9% of travel around the planet. Kurzweil unveiled his ideas at the annual conference sponsored by hi…

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A Radarman Aboard The USS Marilyn Monroe Reveals That The Recent UFO’s Are From The Planet Uranus

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Pentagon is keeping very hush-hush, the dozens of unidentified flying objects sightings, that have occurred just in the last month. One American battleship, The USS Marilyn Monroe reported spotting 7 UFO’s in…

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Louisiana Vows To Eliminate Mosquitoes By 2023

BATON ROUGE – (Satire News) – After hearing complaint after complaint about the mosquito problem, the Louisiana State Senate has promised the citizens of their state that they will completely eradicate every mosquito in the state by September of 2023…

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Tests Conducted On Dirt From Mars Show It Greatly Resembles The Dirt Found in New Mexico

HOUSTON – (Satire News) – Videos of tests that have just been sent back to Earth from Mars amazingly reveal that the dirt found on the Red Planet is almost identical to the dirt found in the state of New Mexico. New Mexico's dirt according to Wiki…

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A UFO Lands in Alabama – And Locals Almost Completely Strip It In Just 8 Minutes

CHITLINS CREEK, Alabama – (Satire News) – Several residents of Chitlins Creek, reported seeing a red, yellow, and white space ship land in Farmer Filbern Fairquill’s cotton field. The Bucknox twins, Foley and Fryus, 27, said they were out stealing…

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NASA ready for launch of Astronaut Octopussy!

After years of intensive training the first octopus astronaut called, Commander Octopussy, is ready to take control of a rocket heading to NASA's space station! NASA scientists decided not to employ humans anymore because they are much too expensi…

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Fusion Reactor Melts Down at Commonwealth Facility in United States, Causing a Major Setback

Scientists at the Commonwealth Fusion Facility in United States were experimenting with a compact type of fusion reactor. All was good until 10 years later, when lint caused a cooling pump to fail. According to survivors, lint is a major cause of…

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