What is science's opinion of broccoli in 2023?

In a world where the opinion of science on broccoli is never sought, we thought we would let you know. Speaking from Chutney on the Fritz's Science Research Centre (sponsored by the Wet Sprocket pub), the club chairman (and so far only member) Bri…

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How Did Corona Virus Start? Stupid Congressional Republicans Will Figure it Out

Republicans control the House of Congress, not the Senate, and are gearing up to solve where the Corona Virus came from. They are not Scientists, just your ordinary, delusional Right-Wing UltraConservatives (Trump is God, etc.; there are millions…

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Pirates to Attack Floating Cities in Elon’s Future Dreams

Elon Musk is interested in floating cities. An island, constructed by people, on which an entire city stands. Like Manhattan, if its island could float and move around for a moveable feast of all things New York. Who doesn’t want that city off…

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Neanderthals 90,000 Years ago Had Crab-Fests in Portugal

Our genetically close cousins Mr. and Mrs. Neander - lived in a seaside cave in Portugal 90,000 years ago. Excavations of one such cave - Grutada Figueroa Brava, 20 miles south of Lisbon was just completed - according to CCN News. The large…

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Big Nose Hairy Sneezes Top Secret Surveillance

A man with the world’s longest nostril hairs has been recruited by MI5 as a double secret spy, since every one of the hairs poking from his nose can pick up secret communications from around the world … and beyond! With a slight tweak of certain h…

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Meaning Of Life Uncovered in a Lost Civilization of the Sahara

An archaeological dig going on in the Sahara desert has revealed the Meaning Of Life! Long before the pharaohs, there were vast civilizations living where the Sahara is now, but, of course, they got covered in sand. Now, due to global warming send…

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TikTok Artist Paints With her Boobs - sometimes her Ass

Sophia Feminina an Italian Tik - Tok artist does big abstract paintings mainly with her breasts but occasionally used other parts of her body. Her erotic abstracts are selling for big money at a Soho Gallery. For really big paintings she and…

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Just Say ‘No’ to Snow

Due to the planet over-heating like a camel’s ass in Dubai, snow is melting so well every year, that scientist think pretty soon there will be no more snow anywhere on Earth. And that’s good news for summer sports! Could you imagine skateboarding…

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Chinese Junk Falling Down

What the fuck are the Chinese doing up there? They’re on the dark side of the moon. They’re building their own space station (something America has done with Skylab, but that didn’t last long). Do they have solar-powered skateboards on Mars? (…

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The South Pole Is Experiencing a Never-Before Heat Wave - 725 Tons of Ice Have Turned To Water

SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH POLE - (Satire News) - A team of Icelandic scientists traveled to the South Pole to study the effects of global warming. The team of five members were led by Lars Bushinquick, who is the world's foremost expert on anything t…

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Jet Planes Cause Global Warming - Back to Boats Like Titanic

According to experts there are about 40 million airplane flights, worldwide every year. That's a lot of pollution - (21 pounds of CO2 produced per gallon of fuel). We might have to switch back to beautiful cruise ships to travel. Wouldn't th…

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Frack is Whack

Is your water on fire? What? NO! Why not? Here, at Halliburton, we can show you how to drill and turn water into fire. Fire is what helped Mankind evolve, so fire good, yes? The company once employed Dick “the Slick Trick” Cheney and is now re…

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American Fat Asses Can Save The World

A recent study by top Geneva body-weight index scientists have found an exciting new co-relation between fat and fuel. One can solve the other! Which country has the most overweight people in the world? It’s not America, but American Samoa. Cou…

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Dr. Futuro Gives Latest Theory on Why People are Obese - It's in the Jeans

Dr. Futuro is a Futurologist and head of Obesity research in London. According to his latest theory, about 5 million years ago, our Pre - Pre - Pre (100, 000 'Pre - ') Ancestors were on the beach in Ethiopia. They weren't quite human yet but were…

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Coronavirus Surge 3,523 - Omicron B5-A #533 is now Hot In America Says Epidemiologist

Dr. Strangeheart of the Chromosome Institute says there is a hot new variant of the Coronavirus, Omicron BA - 5, Sub - Sub - Sub - Variant - just in from Hong Kong via Mao Airlines. They are calling it the Trumphead Virus as the Spikes stick out…

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Space Jesus Got Crucified … Again.

NASA has reported finding a solar system much like our own. They were able to zoom in on an Earth-like planet to find that the ‘people’ there had advanced to a time period approximately the same as Earth’s Roman Empire. And they saw an alien Jesus…

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Space Force! Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You!

I still can’t figure out what America’s newest military branch, Space Force, does. It sounds like something from Hollywood, and was invented by someone who used to be a TV star. Is there a war in space about to happen? Will Space Force “Guardians…

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Scientists Find Out Sex is Evolutionarily Designed For Pleasure - Not Procreation

All mammals on Earth that have sex and get sexual pleasure from it - from giant elephant and whale orgasms to tiny mouse-squeak ones Using statistics, scientists have broken the information on orgasms down into easy increments for us lesser beings…

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A Canadian Yukon Express Snowstorm May Dump As Much As 21 Inches of Snow In Laredo, Texas

CHICAGO - (Satire News) - The Illinois Dept. of Weather has just announced that a powerful snowstorm named The Canadian Yukon Express, is heading toward the US. A rep for the IDW, noted that the huge, blistering cold snowstorm will be going as far…

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South Korean Teens Control the Twitterverse

Dear teenagers of South Korea … you win. No matter what is happening in the world, no matter the wars or riots, the evil fascists who are currently changing laws to punish people for being people, removing freedoms, turning the average person into…

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